So I sat down and looked up all the Oscars that weren't broadcast the other night. Here are the films that won, followed by the category they won and who presented the award.
500 Days of Summer (Peter's Choice for Best Picture, presented by Peter)
Moon (Best Sci-Fi Picture, presented by William Shatner)
Black Dynamite (Funniest Film of the Year, presented by Miley Cyrus...wait, WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING HERE?!?)
Sam Raimi for Drag Me to Hell (Sam Raimi Made A New Horror Picture, Let's Give That Man An Award, presented by Bruce Campbell)
The Road (Best Scenery, presented by Morgan Freeman, the best choice for when you don't know who should present the award for Best Scenery)
Robert Downey Jr. for Sherlock Holmes (Robert Downey Jr. Being Robert Downey Jr., as presented by Robert Downey Jr.)
Watchmen (Best Superhero Film, presented by a collective of every actor who has portrayed Batman, starting with Adam West)
Arseny's Cheap Russian Oscar Knock-off Awards (as chosen and commented on by Arseny)
Inglourious Basterds wins best picture, surprise! (runner up: Moon, Bad Lieutenant)
George Clooney wins this year's Clooney Award for Up in the Air. (Runner's up: Fantastic Mr. Fox, Men Who Stare at Goats)
Moon. Best new addition to sci fi favorites. (runner up: Star Trek, District 9)
(500) Days of Summer wins best "indie" thing. (runner ups: Taking Woodstock, Pirate Radio)
Antichrist for most disturbing movie. (runner ups: Moon, Paranormal Activity)
The Time Traveler's Wife wins worst sappy, exploitative film (runner up: My Sister's Keeper) (also, I'd just like to go out of my way here and say... WHAT THE FUCK. YOU ASSHOLES. YOU TAKE SOMETHING COOL LIKE TIME TRAVEL AND YOU MAKE IT ABOUT SOME PEOPLE IN LOVE. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU.)
Love Happens wins movie title that best sum up the film (runner up: Everybody's Fine)
Black Dynamite wins.
Bad Lieutenant wins most surprisingly good performance by Nicolas Cage.
District 9 wins best movie that has the number 9 in it. (runner ups: Nine, 9)